5 Things We Would Do Immediately If We Were The Disney CEO

These are the five things we would do immediately if we were the Disney CEO. First, we would add a strip club to EPCOT.

We would call it EPSOT, which stands for Extremely Pretty Strippers of Tomorrow. EPCOT is already heavily geared towards adults, so adding a strip club just makes sense and will generate more money.

Second, Animal Kingdom will close permanently. It is the largest and most expensive park, but by far but least productive in terms of revenue. There is so much land, and you could actually do something cool with it.

Third, Splash Mountain is making a return to the Magic Kingdom. In fact, according to a survey, 90% of people prefer Splash Mountain to Tiana’s Bayou Adventure. This will go down as one of Disney’s biggest mistakes.

Fourth, the Tower of Terror would become a national monument to protect it from ever being changed or destroyed. We are not letting future Disney CEOs ruin Tower of Terror with a lame IP overlay like they did at Disneyland.

Fifth, we’re making Fastpass great again. Lightning Lane will return to the popular Fastpass+, where people could select three Fastpasses before their trip and unlimited passes during the day. Also, it’s going to be free again. Just like the good old days.

Obviously these are the best things Bob Iger could do to improve Disney World, if he wanted to. So, either Bob can do it, or let us become the CEO.

Make Sure to Follow Us, Subscribe to our Emails, and Check Out Our Book!

To stay up to date on more very real Disney news like this totally made-up story, be sure to follow Mouse Trap News on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Please consider joining our email list below to get all of our stories sent directly to your inbox! Also, we published a book on Amazon that you can purchase here! It would be an honor to see you walking around Disney World in a Mouse Trap News shirt here! Disney will love it too.